The Battle Realms Camping Trip of Insanity
by TheDayYouSaidGoodnight
Summary: AU. What's it like to see our Battle Realms heroes to camp out in the wilderness and have problems with a wild boar? Will they survive? Will insults in the Serpentholm keep perish? First game fic. Reviews pls. Oneshot. LANGUAGE, LANGUAGE, LANGUAGE.


**The Battle Realms Camping Trip of Insanity**

By: TheDayYouSaidGoodnight

Disclaimer: I don't own Battle Realms; it belongs to Crave Entertainment and other companies that own it. This is a really insane fic. I promise that. First BR fic. Please give me reviews. I don't own the characters or the game and places, I only own the storyline of this fic! I don't own "The Campfire Song Song" from Spongebob Squarepants!

Title: The Battle Realms Camping Trip of Insanity

Author: TheDayYouSaidGoodnight

Rating: PG-13

Chapters: 1, this is a one-shot

WARNING: mild language, Zymeth-bashing, mentions of the name Genjo Sanzo from Saiyuki, drinking and big OOC-ness and 3000 mentions of insanity.

Pairings: none

In the great plains of Serpentholm, at night, all was well…….

"Shinja! Where did you put my hat!" yelled a princely heir with a booming loud voice.

…….or was it…………

"Yo, Kenji, temper, sucker! Utara wore it so her face won't be tanned." Was the reply of a guy who had long black hair in a ponytail.

"Kenji, Shinja, Zymeth, Arah, Otomo and Taro! I'm home!" yelled a distinct perverted woman's voice kicking the doors of the great Serpent keep. "Kenji-sama, (A/N: I think their names sound damn Japanese so I decided to give off some Japanese words. BTW, "sama" is a title meaning "lord/master") I got your damn hat."

"Okay, Utara, what's tonight's food?" Otomo asked, "There you go, Mr. I-was-my-younger-brother's-loyal-childhood-friend, you are hungry again!" Taro said, crossing his arms.

"Boys, stop, or I will let you cook the food." Went Arah's threatening voice. Taro and Otomo shut their mouths and sat on the rice straw mats. Zymeth took his samisen (a Japanese guitar w/ 3 strings) and sang:

"I'm a little cherry blossom

Short and pink

Here are my petals and this is my stalk."

Kenji winced, "Eww, you're disgusting, Zymeth." "Excuse me; you're talking to the controller of the wind and the rain!" "Unless I use my Critical Strike on you." "Aaaaah! It's the end of the world!" Zymeth said, doing a fetal position and sucking his thumb.

Nevertheless, the food was cooked by Utara. Then at dinner…..

"The fish is mine, coward guy!" Otomo said to Taro, "My rice is tastier than yours!" Taro shot back.

"Kenji wears a short skirt!" Zymeth said, "Your hair is white." Kenji shot out while stuffing his mouth with fish.

"My hair is longer than yours." Utara said, laughing like a pure baka (Japanese for idiot), "My face doesn't have make-up! Tch!" Arah laughed.

Shinja said, "All of you are kick donkeys!" "What the hell!" everyone else replied. They all were in a vicious fistfight until Taro thought of an idea.

"Let's have a camping trip! Hahahahahahaha!" "Yeah, we should pack now." Everyone rushed to their rooms and packed.

The next day at exactly 4:30 a.m…..

"Kenji! Why are you bringing your sword?" Utara demanded, "Well why are you bringing your hair curlers?" Kenji smirked (A/N: I don't know he could do that!), Utara blushed, "Shinja, why are you carrying a scroll full of curse words?" "Uh, to curse Kenji with?"

At the campsite…..

"Uh, this is a tent. Let's get food!" Otomo gleefully shouted, "Look! A wild boar!" Zymeth said, "Over there!" Kenji said, making a spear. Utara sang so the boar will die but the song hit Otomo then Otomo died. She used "Song of Sorrow."

"You worthless illegitimate child and big crybaby bitch as in you are a female dog!" Shinja yelled so loudly that it was heard in the forest. "I'll try." Zymeth said, he summoned the thunder but when he summoned it, he shot Utara. Utara fell with an unearthly scream.

"Damn it, Zymeth. 2 are dead!" Kenji roared and whacked Zymeth's white head with a sword. "I will make sure the boar will die." Taro said, summoning the "Insidious Hex" and made a curse over the boar but it hit Zymeth.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Taro!" Arah yelled, "Wow! Arah knows how to curse!" Taro said, mockingly. "Okay, I'll try!" Shinja said, determinedly. He intimidated the boar. But he intimidated Taro too. He was drunk of sake so he thought Taro was the boar and killed Taro.

"Damn your damn intimidation!" Kenji and Arah said, "If you don't need me then fine!" "Kenji, I'll kill the boar." Arah said, "Sight beyond sight!" she fired her arrow but they heard a human scream in the forest." "It must be Shinja!" Kenji yelled, sure enough it was Shinja, dead. "It's the two of us, huh?" Arah asked, "My world sucks." Kenji said, taking his sword out. "I'll kill the boar." He searched for the boar. Arah was behind him for backup.

"Uh huh! Yeah! Yeah!" Kenji grinned when the boar was in sight. He was ready with his sword. He used Critical Strike but the sword was overwhelmed by the power of the strike. It was embedded in Arah's heart. "Aw darn." The boar charged at him. He had killed the boar and himself.

Hours later in Heaven……

"Kenji! What the hell are you doing here?" Utara said, "I've missed you so much." "I killed the boar and I died too." Kenji said, "Welcome back, chaste prince." Shinja teased, "Nice to be back, porn star." Kenji laughed. Then a voice on a microphone sounded: "All souls please go to the gate."

"Otomo, ally of the Serpent, your sins are: killing 350 people, saying bad words, insults and swearing. Nonetheless, you are forgiven and may enter Heaven." Otomo said, "Yes!"

"Utara, beautiful singing maiden. You have seduced men but remained a virgin, you swore and curse and killed. You can enter Heaven." Utara said, "I'm very beautiful! Hahahah!"

"Zymeth, you have bad magic skills and said men are bad with short skirts. But, nonetheless, Heaven's Gate welcomes you to be forgiven," Zymeth said, "Yeah!"

"Taro, older brother of Kenji, you are a bit bad to your younger brother and you are bad and cowardly. You are unwelcome here." The announcer snapped his fingers and Taro fell into purgatory. "Aaaaah!"

"Shinja, Captain of the Serpent Guard, I say that you have committed many sins, my friend. You will go lower than Taro: Hell!" "Daaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrnnnn!"

"Arah, famed archer of the East, you have not failed in the judgment, although you killed many, and swore, you were sorry for that and come in here in Heaven." "Good luck, Serpent-boy." Arah said, Kenji had cold feet.

"Finally, Kenji, Son of the Serpent. Sins include: killing and swearing/cursing. Nonetheless, your bravery had saved you. Get in!" "Ooh yeah!" was Kenji's triumphant shout.

In Heaven……

"Poor Shinja and Taro, they got dead in hell." Utara said, in between laughs.

"Tch! Hahah!" Zymeth said, "Hey, how come Kenji's not wearing a short skirt, now it's upgraded to an orange and white kimono!" Zymeth added.

Otomo made a campfire and took his samisen (meaning is somewhere in the earlier paragraphs). "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he asked, "We sure are!"

"Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song and if you don't think we can sing it faster then I think you're wrong, if you'll just sing along." They started.

"Dum…dum…dum." Otomo sung, "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song. C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, and if you don't think we can sing it faster then I think you're wrong. It will help; it will help, if you just sing along! Yeah!" they all sung and laughed.

"I like that! Look a boar!" Arah said, "Oh I'll get it!" Kenji said, "Hahaha! My spear! Get ready to die, pig!" then he shot it perfectly and they had suckling pig for dinner. As for Taro and Shinja, they were dancing flamenco in hell. They all lived happily ever after! The frikkin' end!


End file.
